Big Shiny Things - Part 2!

Three years ago we trotted out this poll twice, with the Lombardi Trophy and the Stanley Cup splitting the results. This year we actually have the World Cup to watch while we lambaste their lame trophy. It is solid gold, but whoever wins it doesn't get to keep it - probably because Brazil used to win the thing all the time and it was worth more than their currency - they get a gold plated replica.

There are a couple of golf trophies we could put on this (The Claret Jug, the U.S. Open trophy), but since no one ever votes for them I figured I'd just throw the Green Jacket on here. And did you know you can (well, could have) actually buy an authentic green jacket? Winning bid was just over $7K.

The sheer monstrosity of the Indy 500 trophy gets it in - sterling silver, almost five feet tall, 153 lbs, with a suggested retail price of around $1.3 million. All of our candidates are pictured in the previous post, or HERE. If your favorite's not there, just let us know and we'll add it. Fun for the whole family!

poll by twiigs.com

Big Shiny Things! Again!

Soccered Out

What you see on the right here is one of many very good reasons why soccer will never make it in the U.S. Well, a version of it. In the Ivory Coast v. Brazil game, Kaka was sent to the showers for having the audacity to let a guy run into him. You can see the real version HERE.

If the U.S. hadn't come up with a miracle goal in stoppage time the other day they'd be sitting at home right now, and we'd be discussing how they had not one, but two goals taken away from them by the referees. Unfortunately, this sort of thing tends to be the rule rather than the exception in soccer. And that's usually the adjective used, "unfortunate," as in "...that was an unfortunate call."

How about "ridiculous?" If some crazy call boots the U.S. in the game against Ghana (as it did the last time they played in the World Cup), we'll see how many people are all giddy about soccer.

U.S. fans, and especially the owners of the teams, simply wouldn't put up with shoddy officiating of this sort. There's a reason they use instant replay in practically every major sport now. Diva players taking swan dives would be mercilessly ridiculed. Guys rolling around on the field like they just got slapped with a shovel - no.

Grow up and we might consider calling you football, soccer. And ditch the freakin' horns already.

WHITEY'S TAKE:
Whitey checked the lunar schedule for the 25th. It's Whitey's day away from the baseball diamond, and he's looking for something to do. Golf? Pops is doing some project with his crew, and it's too hot to go play without him. So what could be relaxing?

Whitey headed out and clicked on the TV, and there it was: Portugal v. Brazil. Puss-Puss (Whitey's Cat) was begging for her morning fix of tuna. What she doesn't know is that she's getting her pill. However, she probably does need a 12 step program.

So Whitey's mind was still studying on the days activities because there was an uncomfortable feeling. Something Whitey couldn't put his finger on. Whitey poured himself a cup of Jaun's Best Bean and went to the chair. No more than two minutes in and yellow cards start flying. It's a chippy nil-nil match, and the announcers are speaking gibberish. But there it was, the answer for a relaxing day.

These soccer players remind me of a fish out of water when they bump into each other. "Quick, bring the gurney!" Wait two minutes later...he's back playing. Really. Whitey's goin' fishin'! If I go nil for the day, at least I'll move the worm back and forth without the medics working on my jig. And my ride home is gonna take me to a better place than where the North Korean soccer squad is headed.

Grunt Free Radio?

Whitey was runnin' around taking care of this and that over the past three days. From time to time Whitey would be in a bar, house, car, or most likely on his iPhone, watching the tennis match that lasted 11+ hours. Whitey admits a desire to jump the Pond to see the Fortnight. However, upon reflection, Whitey would probably catch a 6-0, 6-0 drubbing by a chick that grunts louder than the chick she just squashed like a bug.

Also, in the car, Whitey's a radio guy. Give me Marty, Morgan, and most of all HR. So on that note, I found it absolutely mind numbing to listen to the soccer match on the radio. That's like trying to find a fly in the car, or is it a bee. Needless to say, Whitey was driving in his rearview mirror.

That said, Whitey will take that mind numbing buzz from 100,000 people before he would sit to listen to a grunt fest from a couple of chicks. Unless the sound is off. Some of them are kinda cute.

Sport or Skill? Cheerleading is a Sport!

Not really, but it's a snazzy title. In the tradition of rehashing the same ideas over and over again we bring you the first and quite possibly last edition of Sport or Skill? A U.S. District Court will soon decide this issue concerning cheerleading thanks to Title IX, volleyball, Quinnipiac University, and…well go read about it HERE if you want.

Once upon a time when I was a bartender in Norfolk, Virginia, a guy on the correct side of the bar and I started a conversation which continues to this day. To wit: What makes something a Sport? While football is obviously considered a Sport, activities such as golf, tennis, even baseball (John Kruk and David Wells are often mentioned) hang around the fringes of the clique. So, without further ado, we give you some guidelines on how to determine if what you are doing is a Sport, or merely juggling.

NOTE: These are not mutually exclusive. That is, a Sport/Skill not qualifying in one category does not mean automatic disqualification. For those of you more interested in resolving this argument with an SAT-like approach go HERE. Have fun.

1. Number of Participants. If the activity requires more than one person per “team,” than you are most likely participating in a Sport. In order to succeed, all the members of one team must work together to achieve a common goal while simultaneously attempting to prevent the other team from achieving this goal.

Baseball and cricket are quirky exceptions to this since both teams can’t score at any given moment – one can’t score while playing defense. This rule prohibits activities such as golf, tennis, bowling, darts, etc. from being considered Sports. Water polo on the other hand - Sport.

There are many activities with teams, like cheerleading for example. Or synchronized swimming. What separates those activities is the fact that the team ‘performs’ absent direct competition. If pairs figure skating involved negotiating another pair of skaters trying to check them into boards while performing triple axels – well that might be a Sport. The other factor here is…

2. Scoring. This is vital. If your activity keeps score according to how often one team (or, in this case, an individual) achieves some certain goal, then your activity might be a Sport. In contrast, if success in your activity is determined by some arbitrary scoring system, like judges, not a Sport.

Time also falls into this category - one cannot merely be competing against the clock. According to this rule, gymnastics is not a Sport nor competitive diving or the 100 yard dash. Bowling, on the other hand, is a Sport along these lines.

But there are timed Sports. Consider soccer, basketball, football, or hockey. The crucial difference between these Sports and say, downhill skiing, is time really has nothing to do with determining a winner. If in the allotted time of a basketball game no one has scored a basket, they keep on playing. In contrast, a skier could crawl down the mountain to the finish line and whoever did it the fastest would be, voila, the winner.

This rule alone allows a whole host of board and card games into the realm of Sport. So we keep going…

3. Extraneous Objects Involved. If your activity involves the use of a ball or some ball-like object, it is most likely a Sport. This is a tricky one however. Pool (billiards), obviously involving the use of balls, ain’t a Sport.

The key here is one ball or many balls. If there is more than one ball on the “playing surface” of your activity “in play” at any given time, you are probably not engaged in a Sporting event (although dodge-ball…) Also at play here is the concept of everyone participating using the same ball, as happens in the case of baseball, football, soccer, and hockey.

In golf, bowling, lawn darts, croquet, etc., each competitor has their own “ball,” which may or may not make it a Sport, I haven’t decided. Actually in croquet and bocce, the competitors have their own balls but use them against each other on the field of play. Hmm…

Not acceptable uses of balls: rhythmic gymnastics and juggling. In these activities the ball is merely a decoration, and could feasibly be substituted with any random object - chainsaws for example.

4. Live Animals. If your activity involves the participation, willing or not, of some beast not a human being then it is not a Sport. Hunting, fishing, horse racing, calf roping...not Sports. Cock fighting is a Sport for the cock, not you.

Notice I said live animals. Bukashi involves a headless goat or calf which is played with like any random object. Thus, Bukashi is a Sport and I get to post the picture again which is probably why I started this whole thing. “Wait a minute,” you say. “Those chaps are riding horses in Bukashi.” True, as they are in polo as well. So, uh…maybe…I have no idea.

5. More Extraneous Objects. If you are in a car, truck, train, plane, or boat you are not participating in a Sport. Bicycle is close…but no. For the most part, all activities involving propulsion outside your own two feet involve time or are judged. If in the biathlon they shot at each other rather than little round targets, might be a Sport.

6. In its own special category is boxing, which I consider a Sport and qualifies for being one by satisfying absolutely none of the above requirements. Boxing is basically the root of every skill or sport without all of the extraneous wrappings – “I’m gonna kick your ass at…well, I’m just gonna kick your ass.”

The problem with boxing (or MMA) is the lame scoring system, which can be considered arbitrary at best (Rule 2). Go ahead and keep the timed rounds, fire the judges, and you’ll have the purest Sport there is.

If you can’t tell I sort of ran out of steam on this, and since no one is likely to have read this far I’ll leave it at that. You could throw in physical exertion, athleticism, blah blah blah, but I think they matter less than the above. That’s it.

Hey Sport?

How many ways does one need to explain that there is a difference between a sport and an activity? Take the emotion of the fan out of the equation and look at the facts: sports and games are two different animals. Yes, games are a part of sport, but not vice versa.

No one throws a rook at the king to call checkmate. One does throw a ball to another person to complete a play. Swimming is an activity that can be timed, and so can a sprint. They race the same thing. A clock.

When was the last time a guy took the bump looking at his watch to see if he has to face Manny? Who throws a better ace: the lady at the card table or the SF Giants with Lincecom on the mound? How many checkers can a guy lose before he gets pulled by his manager?

Hunting isn't a sport. If it were it'd be called killing. It's an activity to get you away from the wife! Spelling Bee? Don't get me wrong I'm awful at it, but I've never cried about it. But baseball...yep.

Keep playing spades, dominoes, and all the games you can play with an adult beverage in your hand. Your paycheck doesn't depend on it. And for the majority of us that's why we play - activities - not sports.

PROFESSOR’S NOTE: I needled Whitey into starting this thread so I could expand upon it. There is at least one website dedicated to this idea [HERE] and numerous threads on other sites. I didn’t like any of them, most likely because I’m full of myself. So soon to follow will be a few of our guidelines to rule your sporting life.

App That?

Whitey has just finished watching the TCU Horned Frogs eliminate the Seminoles and coming on right after is a replay of USA v. Algeria. If you have time to sit and watch this you have way too much time on your hands.

Maybe that time could be put toward a more purposeful use. Maybe there is a drawer in the garage that hasn't been opened for five years needs cleaning. Maybe there is a tabloid magazine in reach. Maybe there is a Star Trek Convention online! Maybe you spent the day wrapping the basement of your mother's house with tin foil to keep The Man from reading your thoughts.

Why not spend some time with someone you care about. Hug your kid, kiss your wife. Email a friend or just get some rest. We won. And if you didn't know...there's an app for that.

From a Bowl?

Whitey is in the middle of his baseball season. 40 some odd games in six weeks. It's hot and humid. We don't get a lot of sleep and Whitey is really confused.

This morning Whitey heard that there is a chance, as slim as it is, there is still a chance that a team will be sent home and another sent to the elimination round by the casting of lots. Are you kidding me? They have jogged around kicking a ball for somewhere around 90 minutes, three times, and they pick a ball out of a hat to see who moves on? This is what "the World's Game" has for settling a tie?

Maybe The Professor can come up with a better reason than Whitey, because Whitey has a dirty word for his idea. Play-in-game. Decide it on the field, not out of a peanut bowl at the pub.

Go World Cup Yourself

We have a lot of things going on in the Wide World of Sports: World Cup, U.S. Open, College World Series, NBA Draft, blah blah blah. We start here:

World Cup. There's no lack of story lines, as always seems to be the case. Brazil looks like they just need to show up to win. Same with Argentina. Portugal and Holland also looking quite good so far. Should be interesting to see who comes out of the Group G "Group of Death," with Brazil and Portugal in position to advance, but Ivory Coast could score 10 on North Korea and make it interesting.

Much more compelling is the meltdown of the French, a crazy call in the U.S./Slovenia game, and those freakin' horns. I laugh in the general direction of the French – they'll get no sympathy from anyone, especially the Irish, who got screwed out of a World Cup slot on a bad call in a qualifier. As for the U.S., the head of FIFA's referees committee, Jose Marcia Garcia-Aranda, had this defense in a press conference today:

"Some decisions are not good on the field of play and this is, for human beings, natural. We can't explain every decision. Our duty is to prepare them in the best way we can."

"Later, maybe with the benefit of 32 cameras and thousands of people assessing this kind of situation, we realize these decisions were not fully correct (but) the duty of the referees is not to explain their decision."

"The referees are there to try to implement the laws of the game on the field, not to explain every single situation. Otherwise they are not focused on the game; they are focused on the media. The best players in the world also make mistakes. It's wrong to say the credibility of football is in doubt." [From HERE]

I have highlighted a few curiosities. It appears referees have no "duty" to explain, well, anything. I find this a head scratcher for a few reasons.

I am under no disillusionment that the game I played in the '80's in Ohio bears only superficial resemblance to what's going in South Africa at the moment. That said, I don't remember referees making random calls absent explanation. In fact, I don't remember other World Cups where this was the case (may have happened, but I don't recall.)

Regardless, for the head of a committee in charge of enforcing the rules of a game to say they have no responsibility to explain how they go about doing so is mind boggling to say the least.

Garcia-Aranda claims, "We can't explain every decision." Which begs the question, why not? He goes even further, "…the duty of the referees is not to explain their decision." So, not only are they unable to explain referees' decisions, they seem to be under some obligation to not even try.

But here's what I think is the real kick in the jewels: "The referees are there to try and implement the laws of the game, not to explain every single situation. Otherwise they are not focused on the game…" This statement implies referees should not be required to explain any decision on the field; in fact, they should not even attempt to do so, because if they do they won't be able to do their job.

This seems to be an argument against a scenario that doesn't exist. You don't see players getting upset at every throw-in, corner kick, or even offside call. Sure there can be a moment or two of argument, but the games move on and are none the less for it.

However, when a call disallows a goal we have an entirely different scenario. Surely some sort of explanation is warranted when the referee waives off a goal due to some violation of the rules. Is it too much to ask that that referees explain how they "implement the laws of the game," especially in situations that clearly affect the outcome?

While I agree the referees should not be nit-picked on every call, there are calls and then there are calls. A close call at first base in the first inning is different than the same call in the bottom of ninth in a perfect game. A throw-in call at mid-field in the first half is decidedly different than waiving off a goal in the final minutes of a tie game, and has to merit some sort of explanation. Of the hundreds, if not thousands of calls made in the World Cup so far to ask for an explanation of one doesn't seem too much to ask.

As for the vuvuzelas, I'll leave that to Whitey.

Time Flys?

It was four years ago, to the week. The Professor and Whitey were sitting in a bar. Great little place down from the Bearcat campus. At the time the Professor didn't have four TV's and we had to watch so many things. What to choose from. This is one of the best times of the year. We have the College World Series, NBA Finals, NHL Finals, the "Dog Days of Summer" making that adult beverage go down like Leon Spinks in a Mike Tyson fight.

We have the U.S. Open being played at Pebble Beach. Inter-league baseball looks to be a hit with the fans, and this year, like that one, gives life to the next breath of hope.

That's the World Cup. Whitey can't say he has watched more than 5 minutes of soccer, including commercials, in the past four years. Whitey thinks it's a great thing that the world has one thing that can bring us all together. However for the record, watching soccer is akin to watching a tennis match on some serious mind numbing substances. It's a game for the true fan.

Whitey is good with the guy who waits four years to be able to go get piss drunk at 9:00 in the morning while wearing his probably brand new jersey. Whitey just can't get the people who only just found out that the Ivory Coast isn't a rival of Irish Spring.

Face it.......soccer isn't going to take America by storm. This is just a wind that blows like the guy at the bar trying to impress the ladies with his soccer knowledge. Chicks dig soccer. They play it. They're better than the men, , not to mention kinda hot. However, Whitey digresses.

Let's just enjoy everything going on. It's summer, and winter is only a few months off. Take a few minutes to see the wonderful world around you. Just remember that the ground is usually hot; because hell hasn't frozen over and soccer will be a distant thought in 84 days. That's the start of The NFL. Enjoy your pint my friend.